SUMMER NEWS

HELLO SUMMER TIME!!!
I have been wondering if keeping a blog is a smart thing for me.
I have lost so much motivation to keep up. I have wanted to write about things
happening here - but getting my behind to actually sit and type out an entry
seems to be a major endeavor.Anyway - I am here now - so let me catch you all up on what is going on.....

Some GREAT news is that I am finding some dear friends that I have lost touch
with over the last 20 years - every once in a while I put type in their names
in a Google search just to see if I could find them but alas it
was not to be.....then on face-book I tried to do a search and slowly but surely I
am finding these wonderful friends/family once again and it really has
done wonders for me...I am finding that there were a lot of missing pieces to my life until I started finding
these dear friends.

The first friend that I found is sweet sweet Lauren - she was my roommate in college.
WOW it is wonderful to connect with her - she could always make me smile and is just
beautiful on the inside and outside - just so sweet...Golly I missed her.
Slowly but surely we are catching up on news--her emails sound just like her.
I am so determined to NEVER lose touch with her again or any of my dear friends.
I am VERY thankful for the internet - through it I have connected my past with
my present - and it is the perfect match!!! It feels like I am becoming more
like myself...I will write about my other friends in my next entries - I am trying to save topics to discuss so that I have at least that motivating factor helping me out.

It is typical SUMMER weather here - temps in the triple digits - so the a/c and I have
become really good friends - just another reason to stay inside.
I see a new lung specialist towards the end of this month - my other doctor
was slowly trying to get out of the WC business - he has turned his business into
educating senior citizens in preventive care - running a lot of community programs.
He barely had any more office hours - and trying to please everyone in this situation was just not working out for me - so now I have to start again.
Oh well - typical state garbage!

Any day now I am going to be a grandma - now that is exciting!!!
We know the baby is a girl---I am so excited -- I just wish I could be there..
but they are in Japan. But 6 weeks after the baby is born they are coming back
to the states - my son is heading for Georgia - so at least he will be closer to home.
I will have plenty of time to spoil and enjoy every second of it~~
Allen thinks if he just ignores it he will not become a grandpa because he is
claiming that he is too young - OMG ready or not - here she comes....LOL!

I have been keeping very busy with staying creative - I am still playing with
digital painting---and I am improving upon my zentangles - it really does
relax me - feel free to check out my art blog - FINDING MYSELF - and checking
out my art - it makes me feel like I am doing something good...and not
just wasting away!!!

Allen has been keeping busy with working on lawn mowers and small engine repairs.
Now that he can do for HOURS and HOURS...he gets into the zone and he just keeps busy.
Now he even has people from all over the place calling him to see if he can help them.
We are also talking about creating with gourds - dried up gourds - we have the tools,
we are just comparing prices right now of places that sell the gourds-because we
cannot find any that are local.
My hunnie wants to be creative with me - now how cool is that.
The daughter is working at her school job all summer and taking a couple
of classes also - she is loving it all - and she has a art exhibition coming up that will last
until the end of the year - WOW - I am truly impressed!!
She has created her own army of "monsters" - they are just so cute!!
They are out of clay - and just so very cute - she is also doing teddy bear jars - that
girl has such talent - I am in awe!!

As for the renovations - they are still going on -the roof was finished - the ceiling
in the garage and dinning room have been repaired - the dinning room has been
painted ( that room is our new computer/craft room).The walls in the hallway and entrance way have been repaired and painted.
We have the new kitchen cabinets - Allen is still staining them--and we have to move the
old computer/craft room to the new - but I have to wait until
Allen gets help because he hurt his back and he just cannot do it by himself!
So things are moving forward - but just a bit slower!!

Well for now - that is all the news fit to print -
I THANK YOU for stopping by
and staying in touch--leave a comment and let me know that you have stopped by - I look forward to hearing from you!
In the meantime - HUG those you LOVE - time is so short!
PEACE~!~

LOOK WHO IS BACK!!

YES - it is me - LONG TIME NO SEE!!!

I am sorry - I truly do not mean to disappear but fighting severe chronic depression has not been easy - especially since I no longer take meds for it (but I already explained all that last year). I hope I have NOT hurt anyone's feelings by disappearing -(if I did - please know I am sorry from the bottom of my heart) it was NOT my intention - I just could NOT get my head wrapped around the idea of blogging or just talking to anyone or answering email. I know that might sound selfish - but just the thought of doing any of that gave me such panic attacks I just withdrew more and more. I have NOT left my house (not even gone outside) since last fall I think. I just can't...the thought of it sends me to tears. I truly HATE being like this...and I am trying to not hate myself excessively for being like this.

I have not even done any creating - all those art supplies and the great craft table my hunnie made for me - and all the plans and ideas I had -nothing.

God Bless my family - because they have truly hung in there with me - I so feel for them.

WELL - here is a fast catch up - what made me take a nose dive emotionally is right after Thanksgiving - I got a phone call from my mom - saying my dad beat her and the police where called and they found him kicking her (she was on the ground)... to make a VERY long story short - my dad after a few days had no memory of doing that to my mother - but this had been the second attack in almost 3 years....turns out my brother had the doctors run some MRI's and my dad has dementia - after they had my dad in the hospital for about a month - my brother had to get power of attorney and put my dad in a facility that caters to dementia patients and he put my mom in an assisted living facility about a mile from my dad - my mom could not stay in their apartment because she panicked and just screamed in terror - now without my dad with her she has gone into deep depression and just wants to die now....she believes that she is in a place where old people go when their families do not want them anymore! It has been a horrendous battle and it has only added to the friction between my brother and I - we just do not talk - he does not call me to tell me what is going on...but neither does my sister for that matter...Just as a side note - I did offer my mom to come stay with me but she wants to be near my dad and I totally understand that...my dad has now gotten to the point that he is starting to not recognize anyone - etc - so the past 6 months have been hell. I do call my mom - and starting at the beginning of this year I started sending my mom a bouquet of flowers every month - huge ones - so it lasts her the whole month until the next one comes - it has helped with her depression and it shares some flowers with a friend she has made at the place - so this is good - every time the flowers arrive -she calls me and you can hear the joy in her voice - that just thrills me. I have also noticed she does not speak of negativity as much - more positive! The doctors have told my mom over and over that dad cannot leave because he will definitely hurt her again..it is just crazy!!!

I have cried constantly over this - I am so terrified of leaving my house - I cannot go see them (at least I can talk to my mother) but I cannot talk to my dad - they are not allowed phone calls...all of this is just tearing me up.

OKAY - that is all I am capable of writing about that for now - maybe more later! I do ask that if you pray - PLEASE pray for my parents --I would so appreciate it!

I have also had quite a lot of dealings with WC (workman's comp). It seems every few months they get a bug up their butts and they screw with me--according to my lawyer they do this to everyone - just to see if anyone wants to get off the program so they do not have to pay anymore--unbelievable.

First it was paperwork - some mix up so they stopped paying me - a little section on some paper said only sign here if you have worked...so I did not sign because I have not worked - so when they received the paperwork they stopped paying me because they said I had to sign that little section - I said no because the way it is written it says If I have worked to sign there and I have not....they said I had to - so it went to the lawyers - and I was right and they had to change the wording but in the meantime I did not get paid until the entire issue was resolved.

Now I canceled an appointment with the lung specialist because he had ordered several different tests for me but WC denied the tests....and the doc said I needed them before our next appointment...so I have been fighting them and they will not approve them...because I did not show up for the appointment - I am in noncompliance and they suspended all of my care...including the oxygen - meds everything - so now I have made another appointment and will have to go just to hear that he needs the tests--what a damn vicious circle - cannot win for losing. This issue just got resolved yesterday - so we will see what happens.

But all that garbage just adds so much stress to me and that only adds to my anxiety.

Now the good news is that at the beginning of this month - I started digitally painting again - I am taking things one slow small step at a time - but it was so nice to create again - see what I painted....

The daughter finished her first year of college - had lots of trouble with math - but did very well otherwise - she is quite proud of herself as so am I...time just flew by with that first year.

My son AJ moved back home temporarily while he attends EMT school so that he can upgrade his credentials (he is already a firefighter).. he should be done in august-hopefully he will find a great group after that. My other son Eric who is deployed is doing well - his deployment ends in November--I think he might be coming state side - I look forward to seeing him here.

Of course - June 1st started hurricane season - geez - the heat and humidity is already getting out of control - we already have had days of over 100 degrees with the heat index...I just cannot breathe in that kind of heat! It is definitely going to be a long summer!

So how was all that for catching up on news....I hope I did not bore anyone - AGAIN I am sorry for missing in action - it does feel good to be back - I will take things one day at a time...and see where it leads me.

Remember to HUG those you LOVE - Life is so short.........PEACE~!~

THE NEWS

OKAY - I am sure that you all have heard by now about Caylee Anthony - the little three year old girl who has been missing and her misfit mother Cassie that does not give a damn - and most likely helped kill her.



I truly did not want to believe that this mother would kill her child because she had a support system at home where if she felt overwhelmed and no longer able to take care of her kid that her family would jump right in...but NO - this crazy ITCH...has been indicted today for murder one among 6 other charges....this saga has gone on long enough - all the news programs only showed the entire break down about what happened with the Grand Jury for over two hours....every night on the news - actually no matter what time the news is on - there is always some drama about this crappy mother and her lies and stories and on and on and on!!
Crazy people showing up at her parent's house to protest her being there - OMG they are just as crazy as she is....the biggest observation that everyone has noticed that NOT ONCE did this ITCH ever ask to be a part of ANY search for her child...NEVER did she make a plea on TV or in the papers to have people look for her kid...if my kid was missing - I would be going crazy to keep her face in the forefront of the news and beg people to come out and search- I would be a pain in the butt for the police to keep on looking and calling every day to see what progress they have made - but no she lied about EVERYTHING to the police - misleading them on purpose and then becomes uncooperative.......the final straw for me today was seeing her cry crocodile tears because she knew that her ass was going to prison for the rest of her life...so no more partying, which is why people think she did something to her kid because she wanted to be a big partier not bogged down with a kid...OMG...and her lawyer had the nerve to get in front of the cameras and say how sad she is - in his whole speech not once did he mention Caylee and how now the FBI and Police feel she is dead....this has been insane!!!
She is already going to face 15 years in prison for all the check frauds and stealing money from people's bank accounts and such -

The lawyer she has now will NOT be allowed to represent her during the trial - he can be second chair but NOT lead because he has no experience in murder cases and we have a law that states you must have experience in order to represent someone in capital murder cases....there is also a rumor that she wants to represent herself - I hope that is not true because then it would just be a mockery of justice.
My heart goes out to the grandparents of Caylee because they were always pulling to have people look for the little girl - I think the grandmother is really beside herself and does not want to admit her daughter might be a murderer because she might feel it is a reflection on them. All of this must be tearing them up.
Lord - I am just TICKED OFF thoroughly over this ITCH - today just put me over the edge how disgusting she really is!
Okay - I am tired - tho I did manage to get some sleep last night (about 4 hours) so I will stop now before I get some myself crazy again!
If you have heard about this case - let me know how you feel (be nice)...I really want to know!
Thanks for stopping by!
Hug Someone You LOVE!!!
PEACE~!~