Today—4 years ago I lost my father------the old man. I have called him old man for almost my whole life.
My siblings never did and no one else was allowed to – it was our connection….
There are times I still find myself picking up the phone and wanting to call him—to just hear his voice—ask for his advice, tell him about my day…talk about family!!! That emptiness truly sucks --- there is nothing that can replace it or make it go away. The day my father passed away was the day my mother slowly gave up living. She is living with my brother and his family—I know her heart is broken—and there is nothing I can say to her to comfort her other than telling her I love her…. Sometimes that is just not enough.
I had a dream about him once----that he was at my front door – I hugged him sooooo tight –I could actually smell his aftershave lotion (old spice).. I could hear him in my head say it is okay!!! Then I woke up. That is what I am hanging onto.
I miss his business sense…… his poker games….. his domino matches with his friends…. and his lil veggie garden. I miss him because he is missing the beautiful woman that his grand daughter has grown to become. Her creative talents… her ideas.
I miss him-----I miss him----I miss him!!!! 
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